I honestly don't know where to start this blog entry. My life has been a crazy roller coaster ride full of emotions, loneliness, and job rejections in the last four months. So heads up, this blog is going to be messy and unorganized since I have a lot of things that I want to say. But I'm too scared to say them out loud.
I guess I will start on a positive note: I got accepted into Wattpad's ambassador program. The other positive thing in my life right now is that I am going to see Olivia Rodrigo and Holly Humberstone perform live. Other than that, I can't think of anything else good that has happened in my life. Maybe it's because I can only think of the negative things that are going on in my life right now.
Those two things are the best things that are going on in my life right now. However, as some of you might know. I lost my sister in 2016 to a rare disease that I have called Mitochondrial Disease, and; it's been a very lonely time for me since then. Grieving never stops and the hardest thing about it is that I live in the house that my sister grew up in. The place where my sister got sick, the place where her medical things and hospital bed still are, the place where I used to see her smile every day. These are things that used to be "normal to me" when I was in high school and middle school. Now, everything is different. Everything at home is lonely, suffocating, and feels very very much like a haunted house. And these are just a few reasons why I haven't written on my blog in a while.
However, there are so many more things that you don't know about me and some things you don't even need to know yet. Life has been brutal for me at the least. My parents are always around me and they are bothering me 24/7. I only get a chance to read, write and watch TV after 11 pm when they go to bed. I feel like I am trapped here since I don't have my driver's license yet. Life is so messy. There are so many things that I wish people knew about my life. It's so hard to explain to people what I've been feeling and why I deserve so much more than what I have right now.
I want people to see me as the strong woman that I am, not the short girl who looks like a teenager who is obsessed with Disney. I want people to see me for who I am. And right now it's hard for me to even update people on what my life has been like. I have experienced so many toxic reactions between my parents and me in the last four months, it's not even funny it's so hard to be vulnerable about it now. Sometimes I have mental breakdowns once or twice a week because of how overwhelming it is to be in an Asian family ,and have two medical conditions.
I literally do everything by myself right now. From doing the dishes three times a week to doing all my laundry and folding it, and even making doctor's appointments, and changing my insulin pump weekly. And I know that adults are supposed to do things by themselves but right now. I need someone to talk to and a little extra help in life. What I really need is a support group. Although, it's easier said than done for me to make friends since I don't have transportation, my parents are strict about meeting my friends, and I have medical stuff going on.
On a brighter note, I am reading lots of books, watching lots of Disney shows and movies, and listening to lots and lots of music to cope with my situation.
And for those of you who just follow me and don't know me yet, please go have a look at some of my other blog posts.
Thank you for reading!!! God, it's brutal out here. It took me forever to write this.
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