Almost everyone I know has asked me one out of these three big questions: When are you going to get your driver's license? Why haven't you gotten your license yet? How are you going to get places? And my answer has always been: "I don't know".
It is definitely not because I haven't been trying to learn how to drive. It is because I have been struggling with practicing and finding time and people to help me.
Let's start from the beginning of my driving story. I passed my first permit test in 2016 when I was a sophomore in high school. That sounds like about the time a high a high school student would start practicing their driving skills with a teacher or parent, right? Well, that wasn't exactly my story. My sister's health was gradually decreasing and my family knew that she was going to pass away by the age of 18. I did what any teen would, I got my parents to sign me up for driving school. However, we all know that driving schools do not teach you weekly or daily. They teach you when they have an availability, which kinda sucked for me because my parents did not have time to take me out to practice driving as much as I'd like to. My mom was taking care of my sister or watching the at home RNs we had, and my dad was working to pay for everything from groceries, private school tuition, and groceries. My dad did make time to go out with me to drive on the weekends but he was not the best at teaching with everything going on at home and the stress of medical bills. That was only my 2016 experience with getting a permit and driving lessons though, the story doesn't end there, in fact I do not think there is and ending yet.
In 2017. I attended McDaniel College, which is about an hour away from where I live. So, the driving situation was very awkward. Sometimes I came home to practice on the weekends with my dad and sometimes I would stay on campus on the weekend. But, all college students understand the stress of attending classes, extracurricular clubs and informational events freshman year. I was that student who had FOMO and didn't want to come home to drive with my dad. I wanted to do everything at McDaniel. It was definitely a way to get my mind off of my sister's passing. I think that I joined too many clubs sophomore year and gave up on driving. I even joined a sorority which was not for me because all of my friends know that I am not social at all. So, my driving journey kinda took a two year pause so that I could focus on my education from 2017-2019.
Then summer 2019, my mindset changed so much about McDaniel College and driving. I started to dislike the idea of going to a small private college because I went to a private school for middle school and high school (8 years). I knew what it was like to know every student, have classes with the same people but for different subjects, and see people that you didn't get along with in a small environment. And that's what started to happen to me at McDaniel, i hated the small environment and doing things over and over again. It was definitely a great place for me to navigate adulthood, college life, leadership clubs, and get my mind off of my sister; but it wasn't a place I wanted to be for four years. So summer of 2019 was full of changes since my mindset on colleges changed. I took the permit test again and passed. Therefore, I was more confident about driving practice. I had a lot more time and it was summertime which meant that I didn't have to focus on school or attending clubs. I got in some great hours that summer but it did not last for long. Sometime during that summer, I hit a car and thankfully no one was injured. But that meant that I had to take a pause in my driving practice for my safety an my dad's safety.
That one incident was not the end of the world for my driving journey though; that same summer I started my journey in going to to orientation for the school that I got into spring 2019. I knew that I was going to Towson University while I was driving with my dad and it was an exciting summer for me. It's like hitting two birds with one stone. I got into a bigger public university and I was going to get my drivers license. But of course, the driver's license would have to wait because my education came first and safety first. So, yes, I did take another pause on my driving journey to focus on school again.
If you are counting, that is two permits so far. My permit from 2017 obviously expired and my permit from 2019 expired for safety reasons and because I transferred schools that year.
And then, as we all know the global pandemic started in 2019 which led to me going back home to where my sister passed away and where my grieving parents were. 2019 was a tough year for everyone. I stopped driving and focused on online school. I just wanted to see my friends again and I wanted to get through school and finish off my junior and senior year off as best as I could. Driving wasn't on my mind at all.
In fact, I didn't attempt to obtain a learner's permit again till summer 2021. S0, if you are still counting that is my 3rd permit. I know it sounds like a lot but I wanted to drive as much as any other young adult out there who wanted freedom away from their parents. That summer, I tried to get in a few driving hours with my dad but it was tough since he works more than 8 hours a day and my mom refuses to sit in the car if I am driving. And I was also still a college student, I knew that I had to to take another pause on my driving practice and get back to school in August. When the fall semester started again, I decided to try to do behind the wheel practice with a teacher from a independent school while I was in college. That meant that I had to come home on certain weekends to practice with this stranger/teacher who I barely knew and then come back to school to be an English Major student who was taking 4 courses. It sounds like a lot for any student but it took a toll on my mental and physical health.
Having a mitochondrial diseases diagnosis, type one diabetes diagnosis, hearing loss and hearing aids, being in college full time, and attempting to learn how to drive all in the same semester was way too much on my body. As a mito patient, I have to decide when to take nap and breaks everyday. I get chronic fatigue, migraines, and headaches, and I have to check my blood sugar almost every second of the day. When you tie all of those medical issues into into daily life like school and driving and attempt to handle them all on your own it becomes a mess. A big tiring mess. It's not easy to describe how mitochondrial affects my body but all I can say is that I don't have as much energy as a regular patient does. I also have heat regulation and so many other medical issues,
My mental health decline made me, no forced me to stop driving. First of all, I didn't like the teacher who I was driving with very much. I also didn't want to come home on the weekends to practice driving when all of the club activities and school events were on the weekend when I didn't have classes. And lastly, my mind was burnt out by October, since I was dealing with remote classes and in-person clubs and classes, 4 English courses, driving practice and remembering the rules of the road, and my medical complications all at once.
Now, fast forward to spring 2022, I graduated from Towson University with a Bachelor's of Science degree in English. This meant that I had more time to practice driving with my dad and read the MVA manuals again. However, that wasn't exactly the case since my dad was still working more than 8 hours a day from home and my mom couldn't teach me how to drive. My dad could only teach me on weekends and that meant that I was losing time and skill in the car. As most drivers know, it takes muscle memory and a lot of practice for one to get their drivers' license. I felt like I was losing my skills every week and forgetting the rules of the road since I wasn't in a car every other day. I told my dad multiple times that I couldn't learn how to drive by reading MVA manuals. I had to be in a car more than twice a week because it was all muscle memory for me too.
Although, none of those excuses were stopping me from learning how to drive. I also reached out to all of my friends and asked them what driving schools, teachers and classes they used. But it wasn't easy for me to explain to them my situation since none of of my IRL friends have multiple medical diagnosis like I do. I even tried a community college behind the wheel driving class since it was cheaper than private driving school and it was closer to my house. That was quite an experience though. The lady who taught me the first lesson totally blackballed me about my disability. What I mean by that is that she noticed that I had eyesight problems, and hand eye coordination and muscle issues immediately. She made me drive in circles 45 times till I could park in a parking spot and it was tough for me since she only explained the task to me once and I needed a patient teacher who understood my disability accommodations. That teacher barely lasted two sessions.
So I went back to the awkward driving schedule that I had with my dad and drove on the weekends for two hours sometimes even one hour based on the his availability, I got in maybe 15 hours of practice with him for almost two months but all my hours were spread apart, like I had one hour and then two weeks later I had another hour. My brain was messed up and my MVA permit credit log too. I knew that I wasn't learning much since I was used to learning things in school everyday. You can't learn something once and then come back to it two months later and expect to be good at it again. You need to practice. I wasn't getting practice since I didn't have an adult to help me. Some of my friends even told me to learn by myself, ask a friend, or a relative to help me. I didn't want to decline those offers but my situation is unique. I have multiple medical diagnosis and hand eye coordination problems and muscle weakness from mito and hearing aids. I needed a patient teacher who understand all of my needs outside of the car. And that person was not going to be my dad. I kept on driving with my dad and started to feel like I was never going to get my license.
A few weeks ago, when we tried to go out again and practice, I hit a stop sign. I know it seems bad but no one was injured and the car wasn't damaged much. I am not afraid to say that I hit a curb, a car, and a stop sign once. I know that mistakes on that you cannot make mistakes on the road but this one mattered because I didn't hit the brake in time. You would think that it was just me not thinking but some side effects from having a mitochondrial disease diagnosis are lack of hand eye coordination, muscle spasms and weakness, and hearing loss. These things are important for me as a driver since I need someone who understands my disabilities to help me learn how to drive. This also meant that I had to stop driving for my safety and my dad's safety. I hated the fact that I had to stop driving. It was the best option safety wise though.
So now, I am at home always on my laptop or my phone looking for things to do, people to meet and a job to apply for. Life is quite boring for me right now. My mom won't take me anywhere unless it is a job interview, doctor's appointment or errands. And my dad works a ton still at home so he can't take me out to go anywhere unless it is on the weekend. Indeed.com and Linkedin.com are my best friends right now. Oh, and I also joined the FantoBand Virtual street team and am still a Wattpad Ambassador. However, I need to get out of the house and meet people and get paid somehow. I'm still struggling to find things to do near me since everything I want to do is in DC or VA.
As for the driving situation, I have found two driving rehabilitation assessment places that are an hour away from where I live that I can try to get evaluations from. These places offer services for adaptive drivers, drivers who have mental or cognitive disorders, individuals with special needs and vehicle consultations. The place that I am currently looking at is 40 minutes away from where I live and requires one to have a referral letter from a doctor as well as a $400 deposit for the 3 hour evaluation. I know that it seems like a lot but it is my only option right now to see if I am capable of getting behind the wheel safely and with moderation to the car that I am in. Whatever those things may be. I am not sure yet.
It seems like I should have started to do research for a driving rehabilitation place back in 2016 when I got my first permit in high school. Well, that certainly was not the case for me. I went through two college, family grief, a diabetes diagnosis, and many other personal life complications to get where I am now. As the teachers say, 'you have to start somewhere'. I guess that I really did start a billion times and never gave up.
I hope that I can get my drivers' license one day and sing that famous Olivia Rodrigo hit "Drivers license' in my car one day without my parents. The freedom will feel great. I would love to go on a beach trip with friends or be able to go to concerts on my own one day. I also am really lucky that I live in the DMV area where there is access to ubers, trains, metro stations, buses and other sources of transportation. Right now, I feel like my life is literally full of 'one step forward and three steps back' moments. (I am a huge livie as you can tell) But there are tons of resources, social media groups, events, and job offerings for me to look into until I get my driving assessment done. I know that I will find something to do besides sit at home on my laptop all day, write, do ambassador duties, and watch TV. I just need to put myself out there and if that means that I have to send out 20 more job applications I will try to do that. Anything is better than waiting for my driving evaluation that will hopefully take place in September. I am going to focus on other things like getting ajob, finding new friends, and new hobbies over the next few months. Maybe one day I will be able to say, "I got my drivers' license last week, just like we always talked about" to my parents. I just need to be hopeful and patient. Oh and I will keep on listening to SOUR by Olivia Rodrigo even though I don't have my drivers license.
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