My Social Media Vs. Reality.
On Instagram, everyone sees me smiling in pictures. I get to go to Disney World, Hawaii, Japan, and many other awesome places. Don't get me wrong. I love Disney and I love going to Hawaii, but nothing is as it seems in the picture on social media.
This is a hard thing to say but I'd rather be with a stable, loving, organized family of four than be alone and get to go wherever I want to. These trips mean a lot to me. Its time away from the mess that is going on at home.
When I was growing up, I had to see and do a lot of things "normal siblings" didn't have to do. (like wait in waiting rooms for surgeries, call 911, count seizures) I don't talk about my sister much anymore because 1) I don't remember and 2) I don't like being emotional. Nobody knows what life is like for someone who lives with a special needs sibling. I was extremely jealous of all my friends in school. They got to go on vacation, participate in sports or theater, and go to sleepovers. There's so much more I can describe but no one wants to read sad details.
2020 Update
As of 2020, I am an only child. I am a Junior in college living with type one diabetes and mitochondrial disease. I am trying my best to take care of my mental and physical health. There's a lot of "issues" going on at home. Personal stuff. I eat alone and do pretty much everything alone.
In Hawaii I play on the beach alone while my dad works or watches me, at Disney World my dad only likes certain rides (I enjoy everything), my mom likes Universal more and gets motion sickness. When we go to somewhere we haven't been to like Japan, the days are split up. I am following my mom around and helping her get to antique stores or she's complaining about my stores and sitting out. It's not what it seems in the pictures I post.
I don't want people to feel bad for me. I want people to see how strong I am.
What does this have to do with mental health?
I hear from people: friends, family, teachers, strangers, everyone: "You are so lucky." I am lucky but I don't feel like it. I lost my sister when I was 16. I have seen my sibling die in front of me. I have been to too many hospitals. I deal with social anxiety, diabetes, and a rare disease. My dad works almost 24/7 in state of out of state. I go to therapy. I've probably had a few hundred silent mental breakdowns last year too.
Getting to go somewhere luxurious, or colorful, and amusing does not always bring happiness. Disney World might for a certain amount of time but not forever. Almost everyone I know has a sibling, boyfriend/girlfriend, some extended family they always hang out with or a pet. I may just be assuming things. I do that a lot when I get jealous. You should cherish the moments you have with them. It's not as fun going to Disney World with my parents and no siblings.
The point is that I have been through all these tragic events and struggles but most of my friends and followers have only seen the happy, smiling, traveling me. Only a handful of my friends know exactly what I have been through. I am slowly starting to trust other people with my story and I want to write a book about it. Also, the quote, "You are so lucky." can mean a million different things to each individual. They may be struggling with something that you are not. Mental, physical, and social health matter. Social media is not a person's reality.
Goals for 2020:
Focus on myself and not others.
Be more sociable.
Write more.
Take mental health days when needed.
Remind myself: It's okay to be emotional.
Pic Description:
The top says: MENTAL HEALTH
The middle says "You are so lucky" #reality #socialmedia
The Bottom says: MONEY DOESN'T buy happiness
Top left: Katherine in Hawaii at a Luau. She is holding a parrot while smiling.
Middle right: Katherine standing in front of Yayoi Kusama's pumpkin with polka dots in Japan.
Bottom Left: Katherine standing taking a photo at Disney World with Joy and Sadness from Inside Out. She is standing in the middle wearing mickey ears and a Disney shirt.
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